"Man, how have you made your wife so obedient?" A bachelor friend asked his married friend.
The married friend replied. "I was not a smoker, but on the first night of the wedding, I started smoking cigarettes in front of my bride. The new bride endured for a while, then she said, listen, can you not quit smoking? I said, no. She said please leave smoking for me. I said, ok, I will never smoke cigarettes again for your sake. It had such a great effect on her that she became my obedient."
After some period, the bachelor friend got married. He tried his friend's formula. He also did not smoke cigarettes, but he started smoking cigarettes in front of his newlywed bride. The bride endured for a while, but when her patience ran out, she spoke in an angry tone. "Give me a cigarette too."
Dog
Husband said to his wife. "We have no pets, I think we should keep a dog in the house.
Hearing this wife looked at her husband with great displeasure and spoke. "I can't bear two animals.
Need of Rest
Doctor handed over the medicine to the wife of a sick man and said: "Your husband is in dire need of rest, I am giving this sleep medicine."
"When should this medicine be given to him?" Wife asked.
Doctor said. "You will take this medicine yourself."
Hunter
A big hunter went out to play hunting with his wife and mother-in-law. One morning when the wife woke up, she saw her mother missing from the tent. She immediately woke up her sleeping husband and informed him that her mother is missing. Then they both went out in search of the old woman. While passing through the bushes, they suddenly came to an open place and saw that the old woman was standing in front of a lion and both were staring at each other. When the wife saw her mother in danger, she started Screaming. She shouted at her husband. "Hey, do something quickly, lest the lion do any harm to my mother."
The husband replied calmly. "What can I do, lion has started this feud himself, now he will end this feud himself."
Dinner
A miser said to his wife. "We'll have dinner outside today."
Wife said. "Okay, I get ready quickly."
Miser said. "Darling! No need to get ready. I mean we'll have dinner outside in the yard."
Morning Tea
A man had a habit of taking tea as soon as he got up in the morning. His wife used to wake him up every morning with a cup of tea in her hand and he would open his eyes and smile and take the cup of tea from her hand with great love. One day his wife woke him up as usual. As soon as he opened his eyes, he hit his hand on the cup and dropped the tea on his wife's clothes. The wife was very surprised. She innocently inquired the reason. The husband said angrily. “I was happily receiving the cheque for the prize bond when you put a cup of tea in my hand. You are a stupid woman.”
Poet
A poet got married. The next day his wife addressed him and said: "Remember, I don't know how to cook.
The poet said. "There is nothing to worry about. There is nothing to cook here."
Solution of Problem
While walking by the sea, the husband told his wife his sad story and said. "Do not know how many more problems will arise for us now and I do not understand any strategy to solve them."
Hearing this, the wife replied. "Don't worry about it at all, because I have a very simple solution."
The husband was pleased and asked. "Tell me what quickly."
The wife replied. "You jump into this sea, all your problems will be solved immediately on a priority basis."
Objection
One person had a habit of objecting to everything. One evening when he came home from the office, he did not see anything objectionable in the house. He was very upset. Then suddenly he looked at his wife.
He spoke. “Darling, you are very wasteful."
"How is that?" Wife asked.
Husband spoke. "What was the need to wear a shirt over a brazer?"
Gold Ring
A miser got newly married. While shopping, his wife liked a gold ring. Miser promised his wife that he would purchase this ring for her when he received salary. In this way, money of the miser was temporarily saved. However, he knew very well that he would have to fulfill his promise at all costs, so he somehow mixed the goldsmith with him.
Miser and goldsmith planed together that when they come to buy the ring, goldsmith will also show a fake ring along with original ring. Then the goldsmith will praise this fake ring so much that the wife will buy same fake ring and in this way money of the miser will be saved.
Finally, miser received salary on first date of the month. He took his wife with him and reached the goldsmith's shop. Goldsmith showed a fake ring with gold ring to miser's wife. Then he started praising of fake ring as per plan. But the miser's wife said that she would take the ring of her choice.
Miser worried but he tried another trick at the same time. He spoke quickly. "Darling, other ring is looking very beautiful to me, please take this ring."
At the insistence of miser, wife agreed. She spoke. "Well, if you like this ring, I take this ring."
Then she addressed the goldsmith and said. "I can't offend my husband, give me both rings."
Miser is still in a coma.
Husband's help
One woman was proudly telling another woman. "I help my husband with every work. For example, today's tea was arranged in such a way that I suggested making tea, my husband made tea, I drank it and my husband washed the dishes."
Beautiful Wife
A king's wife was very beautiful. King loved her very much. One day the neighboring country declared war. King did not expect victory because his enemy was very powerful. King was very worried about his wife. After much deliberation, he made a decision.
He locked his wife's room and gave the key to a close friend. Then he said to his friend. "If I did not return in four days, you can open the lock and then my wife will be yours."
After that, the king left for the battlefield with his army. Only half an hour's distance had been covered when the king was informed that a horse rider was coming rapidly in pursuit of the army. King stopped. Horse rider approached.
This horse rider was the same friend of the king, to whom he had given the key to his wife's room. King was surprised and asked his friend. "What happened?"
Friend took a long breath and spoke. "You have given me the wrong key. It does not open the lock."
On a winter night, a man and a woman were traveling in the same cabin of a train. They were strangers to each other. The man was lying on the upper berth and the woman was lying on the lower berth. Man's belongings were lying down.
In the middle of the night, when the man felt cold, he said to the woman. "If you don't mind, can you give me my blanket from my luggage kept below?"
Woman replied very lovingly. "Is it possible for us to become husband and wife just for tonight?"
Man looked at the latch of the cabin with surprise and delight. The latch of the cabin was closed from inside. So, he addressed the woman in a very pleasant mood. "Darling! I accept your offer. This will make our journey very easy."
Hearing this, the woman gritted her teeth like traditional wives and spoke. "Are your hands broken? Come down and pick up the blanket yourself. Do your own work yourself. Otherwise, I will break your bones."
A man confessed his past sins to his religious leader a day before his wedding. Religious leader said. "You have confessed your sins, now you will not be punished in the other world."
Hearing this, the man was very happy. Religious leader said. "No need to be happy. Now after marriage, you will be punished for your sins in this world."
Fear of Wife
A king announced that all the married men of the empire should gather in the capital by tomorrow afternoon and stand in two lines. The men who fear their wives will stand in the first line and the men who do not fear their wives will stand in the second line. So, according to the king's order, all the married men lined up at the appointed time.
When the king saw the lines, he was very surprised. All the men stood in the first line, while only one man stood in the second line. King asked the man in amazement. "Aren't you afraid of your wife?"
Man replied. "No such thing sir, I am so scared of my wife."
"Then why did you stand in the second line?" Asked the king, more surprised.
Man replied. "My wife had ordered me to stand in the second line. If I stood in the first line, she would break my legs."
There were several flats in one building. The families living in these flats were always fighting. Husbands and wives used to fight with each other over small things. Always screams and cries came from every flat. There was only one flat from which there were always voices of laughter heard.
A man asked the owner of this flat. "Screams and cries are not heard from your flat. It seems that you both husband and wife have a good relationship with each other."
"That is not the case." The flat owner replied. "We also fight with each other, but in a slightly different way. We throw pots and shoes etcetera at each other. If my target is missed, my wife laughs, and if my wife's target is missed, I laugh."
A man married his cousin. A month later, he introduced his wife to someone in these words:
“This is my wife. Earlier, I had a blood relationship with her and now I have a blood pressure relationship with her.”
A man had a habit of reading books. He would bring a book from the library. Then he would read this book for a whole week. A week later he would return the book and get a new book from the library.
So, he used to come from the office every day and sit down to read the book and did not pay any attention to his wife. The wife was very worried about this habit of her husband. She wanted her husband to give her full attention.
So, one day the wife asked to get her husband's attention."I wish God had made me a book and you would read me all the time."
The husband spoke immediately. "Think again darling! I bring a new book every week."
How do different wives fight their husbands?
Pilot's wife: "Don't fly too high."
Teacher's wife: "Don't teach me, this is not your school."
Dentist's wife: "I will break your teeth.”
Doctor's wife: "I do your ultrasound right now.”
Soldier's wife: "You think of yourself as a big cannon."
Engineer's wife: "I will change your map right now.”
MBA's Wife: "Mind your own business."
Lawyer's wife: "I make your decision right now."
Husband and wife were fighting over something. Their younger child came from outside and spoke in a worried tone. "Why are you fighting?"
The wife said to her son in a loving tone. "Son, you will never talk to your father. I will give you two dollars daily."
Hearing this the husband also said in a loving tone. "Son, if you will never talk to your mom, I will give you four dollars daily."
Hearing this, the little child smiled and spoke. “I will never talk to both of you. Now take out today's six dollars.”
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